I will be sharing several interesting excerpts from the books that I have been reading as of late. This one is an etiquette book written by Walter R. Houghton, a Victorian historian, in 1883 entitled American Etiquette and Rules of Politeness. I will also put the link to the full text at the end of the excerpts if you want to read the complete work.
Let’s begin.
O estimate the real value of etiquette, decorum, or good manners, is to measure the breadth and scope of modern civilization. That culture only is valuable which smooths the rough places, harmonizes the imperfections, and develops the pure, the good and the gentle in human character. The revenge of the savage, the roughness of the barbarous, and the rudeness of even some who claim to be civilized, are all lost in the good will and suavity of gentle manners. The efficiency and usefulness of a liberal education are dwarfed unless developed under the genial influence of proper decorum. The actual worth, then, of politeness is such as to make everyone who would be refined and cultured seek to cultivate it to such an extent as to make it practical in all the walks of life.
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EXCHANGEABLE VALUE.
“A man’s manners are his fortune,” is a saying as true as it is old, as valuable as it is true. Many commodities are exchangeable, and money is the pivot upon which they turn. This is not less true of good manners than it is of the theories of the political economist. Who will number the times fortune has smiled upon penniless men who have had a good countenance and a pleasing address at their command. Good manners are made a leading business qualification in all pursuits. Neither sex is exempt, and the best positions with the fattest salaries are always commanded by the best mannered, most courteous individuals. Then, as an avenue to wealth and position, good manners constitute a desirable acquisition.
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VALUE TO SOCIETY.
What is called society would be impossible were it not for the laws and usages of etiquette. So many interests are to be served — some to be protected, others to be restrained, and still others to be allowed the privilege of growth and expansion — that all these could not be done without some acknowledged standard of action, of which all may acquire some information both on entering and while in society. The best manners are to be found in the society of the good, and they are only the outgrowth of what is actually essential to regulate intercourse among such people. Man can not do without society, and society can not be maintained without customs and laws; therefore we have only to think of the mistakes, the heart-burnings and the mortifications which are the experience of the unrefined and ill-mannered, to see how valuable to society is a knowledge of the rules of decorum.
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VALUE TO GENTLEMEN.
The name gentleman indicates one who is gentle, mild, even-tempered. Some are born so, and will naturally exercise these qualities in having to do with their fellows. Many have these qualities to acquire, and some, at least, have to use them as a cloak to gain admission to circles otherwise closed against them. The polished way, smooth speech and easy bearing of a complete gentleman pleasurably affect any company of persons, neither are they soon forgotten. Unconsciously we imitate them, and thus the grace of good behavior becomes an influence well worth the while of any one who would be a gentleman, to seek it.
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VALUE TO LADIES.
Woman is peculiarly the organizer and refiner of elegant society. Men will seek the essential principles, but all the nicety and elegance of polished manners must and do come through woman. A woman rude and uncultured in her manners, however beautiful in person she may be, is like an uncut diamond, whose sparkle and lustre, though like that of the dog-star, are lost by the roughness of the exterior. The graceful mien and pleasing address of a cultured and refined woman make her a favorite in every company, and the radiant of a courtesy as wide and as luminous as her manners are pleasing. Worthy men strive to please and honor noble, virtuous, amiable women. So that woman, who by her courtesy has acquired these attributes, has in her power the touch-stones which test and at the same time claim the best society among gentlemen.
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VALUE TO THE POOR.
It is the birthright of an American citizen to rise from the ranks of poverty to the highest gift of the people, if he but possess the ability. Whatever the circumstances, no one likes to admit his poverty. Of all things which make us most easily forget a man’s poverty, the practice of good manners is most efficient.
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All education begins at home. The home is the most powerful and really the most effective institution on earth for training the rising generation. Home influence is the truest character moulder; and if continued from infancy through early childhood to manhood, it will shape the moral and intellectual man or woman in spite of all outside directive power. For this influence is early, coming with the first possibilities of man, and therefore most impressive; it is constant, continuing through all the formative period of life. The child who never learns anything at home will never know much, whether in science, morals or religion. Here he forms his habits — either habits of idleness, ignorance and vice, or habits of industry, intelligence and virtue —and as the twig is bent the tree will grow.
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It is only by attention to little things that we can become mannerly.
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Education is a means of culture; by it each one may contribute to the elevation of society. It softens the manners, refines the tastes, and fills the soul with nobler purposes and higher aspirations.
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HOME may be the brightest place on earth, or it may be the gloomiest. To make it the grandest of all institutions — to make it the one place ever dear to the heart, should be the ambition alike of parents and children. While all can contribute to its joy and happiness, there is no concealing the fact that it is pre-eminently the kingdom of woman. It is hers to embellish it, to make it tasteful and cosy.
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Husband and wife should remember that they have taken each other for better or for worse. Their companionship is to end only with death; hence they should see to it that their affection as lovers ripens into a permanent devotion. They can not become congenial companions without some effort to be such. If one should have tastes and inclinations to which the other is averse, they should not be obtruded. In matters where conscientious conviction is not involved, each should willingly yield to the other. One thing is indispensable to the happiness of married life, and that is, confidence in each other.
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Politeness is a habit. He who would be truly polite in society must render politeness habitual at home.
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HOME is the fountain of life. If our character could be resolved into its elements, and these traced to their beginnings, the lines would all run back to home influence. There begin our earliest and best recollections. “The mother’s heart is the child’s first school-room.” The influence of home extends beyond the fireside and familiar walls, even to the third and fourth generations. Be, therefore, what you wish your children to be.
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Upon the mother devolves the duty of planting in the hearts of her children those seeds of love and virtue which shall develop useful and happy lives. There are no words to express the relation of a mother to her children. Indeed, it is more than a relation; they are the same bone and the same flesh. The mother’s supremest delight is in her children. They are the objects of her care and love. She cares not for the outward world, and is, in fact, alienated from it. Wealth may’ come to them, great honors may be heaped upon them, but she never thinks of them other than as her children.
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Industry is a virtue; idleness is a vice. Industry sharpens the faculties of the mind and strengthens the sinews of the body, while indolence corrodes and weakens them. If the child is not industrious he soon becomes discontented, envious, jealous, and even vicious. “An idle brain is the devil’s work- shop.” In this busy world there is no room for idle men or women. They are dead weights on society. The industrious man is the happy man. He feels that he is doing something by his industry for society — at least, he is paying his own way through the world. Parents should encourage labor, in some useful form, as a duty. If you give your children money for any purpose, teach them to make some return for it — to engage in some extra work about the house or farm or office. Make them feel that they must earn their enjoyment. Industry is a security against shiftlessness and a lavish use of money. There is no virtue like that of industry
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Industry is a virtue; idleness is a vice. Industry sharpens the faculties of the mind and strengthens the sinews of the body, while indolence corrodes and weakens them. If the child is not industrious he soon becomes discontented, envious, jealous, and even vicious. “An idle brain is the devil’s work- shop.” In this busy world there is no room for idle men or women. They are dead weights on society. The industrious man is the happy man. He feels that he is doing something by his industry for society — at least, he is paying his own way through the world. Parents should encourage labor, in some useful form, as a duty. If you give your children money for any purpose, teach them to make some return for it — to engage in some extra work about the house or farm or office. Make them feel that they must earn their enjoyment. Industry is a security against shiftlessness and a lavish use of money. There is no virtue like that of industry.
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Cultivate the desire of your children for reading. First be a reader yourself, if possible; this will enable you to advise and direct the tastes of your children in this direction. Reading is not only valuable for the information it gives, but, what is of more value to the young, it redeems the hours from idleness and mischief. The habit of reading will keep your son in off the street at night, or from running over the country on idle days, in search of companions to help him kill time. It will turn the tastes of your daughter from the ballroom, and fit her for more cultivated society.
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The very sight of a library is an inspiration.
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A gentleman should never lower the intellectual standard in conversing with ladies. He should consider them as equal in understanding with himself. A lady of intelligence will not feel complimented by any means, if, when you talk to her, you “come down” to common-place topics.
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A young lady should never walk the streets alone after dark.
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READING gives fullness, writing exactness, and speaking readiness of information; but it remains for traveling to combine all of these things in one.
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[…] the priceless essence of womanly worth which exists within the mind.
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Women must have employment. Employment is the instrumentality, in making woman. No woman of health and sound mind should allow herself to be or feel dependent on anybody for her living. Thousands of women have no employment, and live through life in a state of abject dependence. What are they — what can they be, under such circumstances? They are nothing else than burdens to their fellow men. A woman can no more be a true woman than a man can be a true man, without employment and self-reliance. How can a woman who spends a listless, trifling life possess weight of character and force of mind and mental worth? How can she answer with honor to herself when she is called upon to do anything? Our homes are full of necessary and useful employment; girls must engage in it with zeal. Useful employment is the primary means of developing a true womanhood. Life is given that work may be done. We are here for a purpose. All young ladies should determine to do something for the honor and elevation of their sex. At least they should determine that they will possess and always wear about them, as their richest possession, a true womanhood.
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Every such woman is a central sun, radiating intellectual and moral light, diffusing strength and life to all about her. Woman is the hope of the world.
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When a couple become engaged, the gentleman presents the lady with a ring, which is worn on the right finger of the right hand.
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The most approved bridal costume for young brides is of white silk, high corsage, a long veil of white tulle, reaching to the feet, and a wreath of maiden blush roses with orange blossoms. The roses she can continue to wear, but the orange blossoms are only suitable for the ceremony.
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The bridegroom and ushers, at a morning wedding, wear full morning dress, dark blue or black frock coats, or cut-aways, light neckties, and light trousers. The bridegroom wears white gloves. The ushers wear gloves of some delicate color.
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When the bridal party has arranged itself for entrance, the ushers, in pairs, march slowly up to the altar, and turn to the right. Behind them follows the groom alone. When he reaches the altar, he turns, facing the aisle, to await the coming of his bride. After a slight interval, the bridesmaids follow, in pairs, and at the altar turn to the left. After another brief interval, the bride, alone and entirely veiled, with her eyes cast down, follows her companions. The groom comes forward a few steps to meet her, and taking her hand, places her at the altar. Both kneel for a moment’s silent devotion. The parents having followed her, stand just behind and partly to the left. The ceremony now proceeds as usual. While the bride and bridegroom are passing out of the church, the bridesmaids follow slowly, each upon the arm of an usher, and they afterward hasten on as speedily as possible to welcome the bride at her own door, and to arrange themselves about the bride and groom in the reception-room, half of the ladies upon her side and half upon his, the first bridesmaid retaining the place of honor.
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A jeweled ring has been for many years the sign and symbol of betrothal, but at present a plain gold circlet with the date of the engagement inscribed within, is generally preferred. The ring is removed by the groom at the altar, passed to the clergyman and used in the ceremony. A jeweled ring is placed on her hand by the groom on the way home from church.
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Wedding invitations should be handsomely engraved in script.
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The invitation requires no answer. Friends living in other towns receiving it, enclose their cards and send by mail. The invitation to the wedding breakfast is enclosed in the same envelope, generally on a square card half the size of the sheet of note paper containing wedding invitation.
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To every well-bred man and woman physical education is indispensable. It is the duty of a gentleman to know how to ride, to shoot, to fence, to box, to swim, to row, and to dance. He should be graceful. If attacked by ruffians, a man should be able to defend himself, and also to defend women from their insults. Dancing, skating, swimming, archery, games of lawn tennis, riding and driving, and croquet, all aid in developing and strengthening the muscles, and should be practiced by ladies. The better the physical training, the more self-possessed and graceful she will be. Open-air exercise is essential to good health and a perfect physical development.
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Before we enter society we should subdue our gloomy moods. It is our duty to speak kindly and look pleasantly. Unless others make us the confidant of their woes, we should not inflict them with any dismal account of our health, state of mind or outward circumstances. We should appear sympathetic.
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The art of being a good listener is almost as great as that of being a good talker; but you should do more than listen. It is your duty to seem interested in the conversation of those who are talking. To manifest impatience is a mark of low breeding.
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THE PAPER, COTTON AND LEATHER WEDDINGS.
The first anniversary of the wedding-day is called the paper wedding, the second the cotton wedding, and the third the leather wedding. Invitations to the first should be printed or written on a gray paper. Articles made of paper should be the only presents given.
For the cotton wedding invitations should be printed on fine cotton cloth. Presents, if given, should be of articles of cotton cloth.
Issue invitations for the leather wedding upon leather, nicely gotten up. Only presents of leather are appropriate.
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THE WOODEN WEDDING.
The fifth anniversary of the marriage is called the wooden wedding. In issuing invitations use thin cards of wood, or enclose in an envelope a card of wood with invitation, which may be written upon wedding paper. Articles made of wood are suitable for presents.
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THE TIN WEDDING.
The tin wedding is the tenth anniversary of the marriage. The invitations should be upon cards covered, with a tin card enclosed. Presents may be selected from the list of articles made of tin.
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THE CRYSTAL WEDDING.
The fifteenth anniversary is called the crystal wedding. The invitations for this anniversary may be on wedding paper with a sheet of mica enclosed, thin transparent paper, or colored sheets of prepared gelatine. Presents should be articles of glass.
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THE FLORAL WEDDING.
The floral wedding occurs on the twentieth anniversary of the wedding day. The invitations should be on exceedingly fine paper, elegantly printed and enclosed in an envelope, with a small pressed flower bearing a sentiment that you wish to express. If presents are offered, they may be tastefully arranged bouquets, wreaths or garlands, or floral emblems, suitable to that for which they are designed.
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THE SILVER WEDDING.
The silver wedding is the twenty-fifth anniversary of the wedding-day. The invitations may be issued upon an excellent quality of note paper, printed in bright silver, with monogram or crest upon both paper and envelope, in silver also. Presents of silver are appropriate.
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THE PEARL WEDDING.
The pearl wedding is the thirtieth anniversary. The invitations should be printed with pearl type on a very fine glazed card, oval-shaped, and of a silvery or bluish white color. Presents, if offered, should be articles of pearl.
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THE CHINA WEDDING.
The china wedding is the thirty-fifth anniversary. The invitations for this wedding should be on a superior quality of fine, semi-transparent note paper or cards. Any article of china ware, useful or ornamental, is suitable for a present on this occasion.
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THE CORAL WEDDING.
The coral wedding occurs on the fortieth anniversary of the marriage. Invitations maybe issued upon a fine wedding paper. Presents may be of white or red coral.
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THE BRONZE WEDDING.
The forty-fifth anniversary of the wedding-day is called the bronze wedding. The invitations should be issued upon bronzed cards. Articles of bronze may be offered as presents.
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THE GOLDEN WEDDING.
The close of half a century of married life is truly an event worthy of celebration. When man and wife have clung together and braved the storms of this life for fifty years, they certainly deserve hearty congratulations and offerings of gold. Invitations should be upon superfine note paper, printed in gold, with highly burnished crest or monogram on both paper and envelope. If presents are offered, they should be in gold.
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THE DIAMOND WEDDING.
Diamond weddings are seldom celebrated. Few persons dwell together under the holy bonds of matrimony seventy-five years. So rare is the diamond wedding that no particular form of invitations is in use. A general offering of presents on this occasion is impossible, since the means of most persons will not admit of making gifts of diamonds.
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PRESENTS AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
Custom and the rules of etiquette do not require that an invitation to an anniversary wedding be acknowledged by a gift. The members of the family and intimate friends are usually the donors on such occasions, and may use their own judgment as to giving presents.
It is not amiss and is generally customary in issuing invitations to a golden or silver wedding, to have printed at the bottom the words “No presents,” or to inclose a card announcing — “Presents are not expected.”
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INVITATIONS TO ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS.
Below is given a model invitation to an anniversary wedding. The names of the husband and wife, and the dates of the marriage and the anniversary may be inserted in their proper places.
A proper variation will make the above form suitable for all anniversary weddings.
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THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY.
The marriage ceremony is often repeated at silver or golden weddings. The officiating clergyman may so change the exact words of the marriage ceremony as to render them appropriate to the occasion. The earliest anniversaries are almost too mirthful occasions upon which to introduce this ceremony.
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THE WEDDING DRESS.
A full bridal costume should be white from head to foot. The dress may be of silk, heavily corded satin, or plain silk, merino, alpaca, crape, lawn or muslin. The veil may be of lace, tulle or illusion, but it must be long and full. It may or may not cover the face. Orange blossoms or other white flowers and maiden blush roses should form the bridal wreaths and bouquets. The dress is high, and the arms covered. Slippers of white satin and white kid gloves complete the dress.
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DRESS AT WEDDING RECEPTIONS.
Full evening dress should be worn by the guests at evening receptions. No one should attend in black or mourning dress, which should give place to grey or lavender. At a morning reception of the wedded couple, guests should wear the richest street costume with white gloves.
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MOURNING.
In the United States no prescribed periods for wearing mourning garments have been fixed upon. When the grief is profound no rules are needed. But where persons wear mourning for style and not for feeling, there is need of fixed rules. For deep mourning one should wear the heaviest black of serge, bombazine, lustreless alpaca, delaine, merino or similar heavily clinging material, with crape collar and cuffs. Mourning dresses should not be trimmed. No ruffles, bows, or flounces are admissible. The bonnet is of black crape; a hat should never be worn. The veil is of crape or barege with heavy border; black gloves are worn and black bordered handkerchiefs should be used. Black furs may be worn in winter. Jewelry is forbidden; jet pins and buckles should be used. Black silk and alpaca trimmed with crape may be worn for second mourning with white collars and cuffs. The crape veil is laid aside for net or tulle, but the jet jewelry is still retained. A less degree of mourning is worn of black and white, purple and gray, or a combination of these colors. Crape is retained in bonnet trimming and crape flowers may be added. Light gray, white and black, and light shades of lilac indicate a slight mourning. A black lace bonnet, with white or violet flowers, supersedes crape, and jet or gold jewelry is worn.
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PERIODS OF WEARING MOURNING.
The deepest mourning is that worn by a widow for her husband. It is worn two years, sometimes longer. Widow’s mourning for the first year consists of solid black woolen goods, collar and cuffs of folded untrimmed crape, a simple crape bonnet, and a long, thick, black crape veil. The second year, silk trimmed with crape, black lace collar and cuffs, and a shorter veil may be worn, and in the last six months gray, violet and white are permitted. A widow should wear her hair perfectly plain, and should always wear a bonnet; never a hat.
The mourning for a father or mother is worn for one year. The first six months the proper dress is of solid black woolen goods trimmed with crape, black crape bonnet with black crape facings and black strings, black crape veil, collar and cuffs of black crape. Three months, black silk with crape trimming, white or black lace collar and cuffs, veil of tulle and white bonnet facings; and the last three months in gray, purple and violet. Mourning worn for a child is the same as that worn for a parent.
Mourning for a grandparent is worn for six months. Three months black woolen goods, white collar and cuffs, short crape veil and bonnet of crape trimmed with black silk or ribbon ; six weeks in black silk trimmed with crape, lace collar and cuffs, short tulle veil; and six weeks in gray, purple, white and violet.
Mourning worn for a friend who leaves you an inheritance, is the same as that worn for a grandparent.
Mourning for a brother or sister is worn for six months, two months in solid black trimmed with crape, white linen collar and cuffs, bonnet of black with white facing and black strings ; two months in black silk, with white lace collar and cuffs; and two months in gray, purple, white and violet.
Mourning for an uncle or aunt is worn for three months, and is the second mourning named above, tulle, white linen and white bonnet facings being worn at once. For a nephew or niece, the same is worn for the same length of time.
The deepest mourning excludes kid gloves; they should be of cloth, silk or thread; and no jewelry is permitted during the first month of close mourning. Embroidery, jet trimmings, puffs, plaits — in fact, trimming of any kind — is forbidden in deep mourning, but worn when it is lightened.
Mourning handkerchiefs should be of very sheer fine linen, with a border of black, very wide for close mourning, narrower as the black is lightened.
Mourning silks should be perfectly lustreless, and the ribbons worn without any gloss.
Ladies invited to funeral ceremonies should always wear a black dress, even if they are not in mourning; and it is bad taste to appear with a gay bonnet or shawl, as if for a festive occasion.
The mourning for children under twelve years of age is white in summer and gray in winter, with black trimmings, belt, sleeve ruffles and bonnet ribbons.
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LETTER WRITING.
LETTER writing, practically considered, is the most important of all kinds of composition. It is indispensable in business, for much of business must be done by correspondence. A person who is able to write well is more likely to be called to a desirable situation than he who is deficient in the art. By letter writing, much can be done to maintain and strengthen our social ties. In receiving letters from absent friends, there is a pleasure that no one would wish to forego. The culture of a person is plainly indicated by his letters; “and it is as great a violation of propriety to send an awkward and badly written letter, as it is to appear in the company of refined people, with swaggering gait, soiled linen, and unkempt hair.” Letter writing is a practical exercise in English composition, and can be practiced by persons of any age or position. Many distinguished writers of other kinds of composition, have acquired much of their power of expression by their practice of writing letters. The advantages of the art are so obvious that arguments in its favor are not a necessity.
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PAPER.
Most of the letters written now-a-days are on note paper. That called “commercial note” is generally used by gentlemen; smaller sizes are preferred by ladies. A private letter should never be written on foolscap paper. If its use be necessary, an apology should be made for it. A social letter ought to be written on a whole sheet of paper; and except on business, a half-sheet letter should never be sent. For any kind of letter no color is more tasteful than white, and gentlemen should use it exclusively. Paper delicately tinted and perfumed may be used by a lady; but its use by a gentleman would be out of taste. Paper with a black border is called “mourning paper;” this, with envelopes to match, may be used by persons who mourn the loss of a relative. “The width of the border should correspond somewhat to the nearness of the relationship and the recentness of the bereavement.” Ruled or plain paper maybe used without violating good taste; but unruled paper is preferable because it is more stylish, and furnishes opportunity for writing much or little on a page. The practice of putting lines under plain paper to aid in writing straight, is not to be commended, since it consumes time and prevents the proper discipline of the hand.
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ENVELOPES.
The envelope should be of the same color or tint as that of the paper, and should be a little longer than the width of the written page. In their correspondence with one another, gentlemen may use either white or buff envelopes; “but it is not allowable to send a buff envelope to a lady, nor do ladies use that kind at all.” It is necessary to avoid the use of inferior paper and envelopes; fine paper seems to inspire fine thoughts.
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INK.
Black ink is in better taste than fancy inks, and is more desirable and durable. A letter ought not to be written with red ink. From the fact that black ink does not fade, it is used exclusively for copying records in the War Department at Washington.
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HEADING.
The heading is “a statement of the place where, and the time when, a letter was written.” If the “place” is in a large city, the heading should give the number, the street, the city and the state. The name of the state may be omitted if the locality is in a very large city. It is regarded as absurd to write, “220 Nassau Street, New York City, N. Y.” When a letter is written at a place outside of a city, the heading should embrace the name of the post- office and that of the state. The name of the county should be given in the heading of a business letter, and ought to be named in all letters, unless the writer is corresponding from a place whose locality is well known to the person addressed. The date consists of the month, the day of the month, and the year, as, “Nov. 12, 1882.” When the day of the week is important, it is written at the beginning of the date: “Saturday, Nov. 12, 1882.” The year is often omitted, when it is of less consideration than the day of the week. The heading may occupy from one to three lines, and “should begin on the first line, a little to the left of the middle.” A short heading can be written on one line, and it may be laid down as a rule, that the heading should contain as few lines as possible consistent with neatness. The model headings that follow indicate the position that the beginning of each line should occupy, and also show the punctuation of the parts of the heading. Business letters are always dated at the top. Social letters and those written in the third person are often dated at the bottom without violating any rule of propriety. When this is done, “the place and date must be begun near the left edge of the paper, on the next line below that on which the signature is written.”
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THE INTRODUCTION.
The introduction consists of the address and the salutation. The address comprises the title and name of the person written to, and his directions. In the following example: Mr. John J. Curtis, 23 High St., Boston; Mr. John J. Curtis is the title and name, and 23 High St., Boston, the directions. This address is the same as that which is put upon envelopes, and is called the “inside address” to distinguish it from the superscription, which is called the “outside address.” The name should be written so that it can be read easily, and politeness requires that some title should be added to it. As a rule, two titles can not be joined to one name; but to this there are two exceptions. When addressing a clergyman whose surname alone is known to us, we may write Rev. Mr. Spears, the Mr. being regarded as a substitute for the Christian name; and if a married man has a professional or literary title prefixed to his name, Mrs. may be used before it to denote his wife, as Mrs. Secretary Blaine. The directions must comprise the name of the post-office nearest the person addressed, and the state in which it is situated. The name of the county is necessary if the post-office is in a town not well known. If it be in a city, the number of the house, the street, the city, and the state should be given. The name of the state can be omitted if the post-office be in a large city. In business letters the address should be in full, and it ought to be found in every letter since the envelope is liable to be torn or lost, thus preventing the communication from reaching the person to whom it was written. The salutation is the term of politeness used to introduce a letter, as Dear Sir, My Dear Friend, My Honored, Father. Business letters generally begin with Sir, Dear Sir, Sirs, or Gentlemen. Never use “Gents.” for Gentlemen, nor “Dr.” for Dear. For a letter addressed to a married woman or a single woman not young, the proper salutation is Madam, Dear Madam, or My Dear Madam. In a business letter to a young unmarried lady, the address alone is generally used as introduction, that the repetition of Miss may be avoided. The kinds of salutation used depend upon the feelings of the writer and his relation to the person addressed. Extravagant salutations, such as Darlingest of Darlings should not be indulged in, since to sensible people the expressions sound flat and silly. Under the heading Models of Introduction, various forms of salutation can be seen. The place of the address in business letters and in those addressed to persons with whom we have but little acquaintance, is at the top of the page; in letters to relatives or very intimate friends, the address should be written at the bottom. The address should be on the first line below the date, and should begin at the marginal line that is from one-fourth of an inch to one inch from the left edge of the sheet. It may occupy from one to three lines. The first line should contain only the name and title, the second should contain the directions, if the last word is an abbreviation or a short word; but if the last item be a long word, it should be on the third line. The initial letters on the lines containing the address should be in a line sloping downward to the right as may be seen in the models. When the address makes three lines, the position of the first letter of the salutation is under the initial letter of the items on the second line of the address (Model 1), or under that of the first (Model 2). The former arrangement is preferred. If the address makes two lines, the salutation should begin about one inch from the initial letter of the second line (Model 3), or else under the initial letter of the first line (Model 4). When the address is on one line, the salutation should begin about one inch to the right of the marginal line (Model 5). If there is no address at the top, the salutation begins at the marginal line (Model 6). The salutation in familiar letters is often incorporated in the first sentence of the letter. When this occurs, the letter begins almost one-sixth of the distance from the left edge of the paper to the right edge (Model 7). Irregularity prevails in the punctuation of the introduction, but the following models give sufficient information on the subject for correct and polite letter writing:
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BODY OF THE LETTER.
The body of the letter is that part of the communication that is between the introduction and conclusion. It should begin under the end of the salutation; but when the address is long, it may begin on the same line, a comma and a dash, or a colon and a dash, being placed between the last word of the salutation and the first word of the letter. (See Model 3 under Models of Introduction.)
A blank margin that varies with the width of the paper should always be left on the left hand side of each page. The margin should be perfectly even, and should never be so wide or so narrow as to go beyond the limits of taste. On large letter-paper it should be about an inch; on note-paper, about three-eighths of an inch. When the sheet is quite small, a quarter of an inch is sufficient. A letter should be divided into paragraphs according to the rules for other composition. The first word of a paragraph should begin about one-sixth of the way across the line from left to right.
The penmanship should be legible, neat, and elegant. Flourishes in a letter are out of place, skipping pages is not to be commended, crossing letters is not entirely respectful to the person addressed and blots and interlineations are not allowable.
The closing lines of the body of the letter are usually some expression of respect or attachment; as in the following examples:
“Deign, madam, to receive the assurance of my respectful attachment.”
“Accept, madam, the homage of my respect.”
“The sentiments with which you have inspired me, sir, are equally sincere and permanent.”
“My tender and respectful attachment will end only with my life.”
“I have the honor to be, sir, with sentiments of respect and consideration.”
The closing lines, such as the preceding, are found with the ordinary formula that constitutes the conclusion.
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THE CONCLUSION.
The conclusion consists of the complimentary close, and the signature; it also contains the address of the person written to, if the same is not found in the introduction.
The complimentary close is the phrase of respect used at the end of a letter. It admits of a great variety of forms on social letters, such as your friend, ever yours, your affectionate father, etc.; but in letters written on business, or to strangers and mere acquaintances, the usual form is yours truly, or yours respectfully, which admits of but slight variation, as yours very truly, or truly yours. Official letters have a more formal close than others, as:
I have the honor to be, sir, with the highest consideration,
Your obedient servant,
A. B.
The signature is the name of the writer, and it should be attached to every letter, the name being written plainly and in full. If the writer is a lady, she should sign her name so as to indicate her sex, and whether she is married or single, this can be done by prefixing Miss or Mrs. A married lady generally uses her husband’s name, to which she prefixes the title Mrs. if he is living; otherwise, she should use her own name.
The position for the complimentary close is on the line immediately below the body of the letter and may occupy from one to three lines.
The signature is written near the right-hand edge of the sheet, on the line below the complimentary close.
The close and the signature must be arranged so that the initial letter of the lines will present a regular slope downward and to the right.
If the address is not written at the top of the letter, it should be placed at the close, the beginning of the first word being located at the marginal line and on the line immediately below the signature.
The proper punctuation of the complimentary close and the signature can be learned by consulting the […]
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FOLDING.
Folding is a very simple matter, but it is often very awkwardly done.
The paper should be folded so that the edges of the letter will be exactly even. The folds ought to be pressed with the thumb or a paper knife, so as to give them a neat appearance. Fine paper, of medium thickness, is most suitable for letters. The letter should be inserted in such a manner that, when taken out in the usual way and unfolded, it will be right end up.
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THE SUPERSCRIPTION.
The superscription is the address written on the envelope, and consists of the name and title of the person to whom the letter is sent, and his full directions. It is called the outside address, to distinguish it from the address at the head or foot of the letter. What is said concerning those three items in the remark on the “inside address,” applies with equal fitness to the “outside address,” and need not be mentioned here.
The upper edge of the envelope is the open one. Have that edge from you when you write the superscription, otherwise it will be upside down. The writing should be in straight lines, parallel with the upper edge of the envelope; the foolish affectation of writing diagonally across the corner is to be avoided. It is out of taste to use envelopes that are ruled either by a pen or some sharp-pointed instrument for making indentations. If you can not write straight without lines, slip into the envelope a card ruled heavily, so that the lines will show through. This may be used till straight lines can be written without the aid of ruled envelopes. The name should be a little below the middle of the envelope, the initial letter being near the left edge, “sometimes close to it, sometimes one or two inches from it, according to circumstances; and the other parts should be written at equal distances under it, each a little farther to the right, so that the last part shall come near the right-hand corner.”
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THE STAMP.
Before sending a letter, affix to it a proper stamp. The communication will not be forwarded unless it is prepaid one full rate.
The stamp should be affixed to the upper right-hand corner of the face of the envelope, at about one-sixteenth of an inch from the top and one-eighth of an inch from the end.
The stamp is a picture, and should be right end up its edges being parallel with those of the envelope. “Putting the stamp on upside down or awry indicates carelessness rather than rapidity, and any appearance of carelessness in a letter is disrespectful to the person to whom it is sent.”
Be sure to put on an envelope as many stamps as are necessary to send the letter; two stamps should be used if you are not certain that one is sufficient.
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A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION.
As a guide is to a man in an unknown land, so is a letter of introduction to a man in a strange community. A person going to a strange place ought to be prepared with, such a valuable aid. A letter of this kind properly prepared must be brief, and must contain the full name and address of the person introduced, to which should be added an expression stating the pleasure that you think the new acquaintance will create. A letter of introduction may be sealed by the person introduced, but not by the writer. A gentleman delivering to a lady a letter that introduces him is at liberty to call upon her. By sending her a card he can ascertain whether it is more convenient to receive him then or appoint another hour that is more convenient.
Great caution must be exercised in giving a letter of introduction. The writer must be well acquainted with the one introduced and with the person to whom he writes. A well-bred gentleman or lady who is the recipient of such a letter will, in twenty-four hours, attend to the demands of the letter by inviting the person introduced to dine, or engage in some agreeable pastime or amusement.
A letter of introduction is often left with a card; in such a case a gentleman in the family may call upon the stranger the following day, or he may send a card with an invitation. Should the letter introduce a gentleman to a lady, she may answer by a note of invitation appointing a time for him to call.
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FAMILY LETTERS.
Letters written from one member of a family to another are less formal than any other kind of epistolary correspondence. They should exhibit some characteristics of the writer; should contain information on minor matters as well as on subjects of more importance; and should be written so as to give the greatest amount of satisfaction to the recipient.
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LETTERS OF FRIENDSHIP.
Letters of friendship are more formal than family letters, contain less gossip, and embrace matters in which both the writer and recipient are interested. Such letters should be answered with sufficient promptness to keep alive the friendship between the correspondents, unless there be a desire for this to cool.
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THE BUSINESS LETTER.
This should be embraced in a few words and should relate directly to the business in hand. If an apology or explanation is necessary, let it be inserted after the business portion of the letter is finished. A business letter should be answered as soon as possible after its receipt. The response in some cases, may be on the same page with the original letter; but this kind of reply should not be made, save when the points in question are few and brief.
There is a difference between an ordinary promissory note and a note payable in bank, that every person should understand. These notes are equally binding as to the original parties, but when transferred, the conditions change. A person in purchasing an ordinary note simply takes the place of the original payee, and is liable to any offset the payer may have. On the other hand, a note payable in bank, in the hands of a third party, is collectible whatever may be the offset against it, or whatever the fraud practiced in securing it; provided, the holder when buying the note was ignorant of such fraud. Sharpers often take advantage of people not understanding the nature of a bank note. A person is often induced to sign a note with a written contract, that it is not to be paid unless certain conditions are fulfilled. The note is then detached from the contract and sold to an innocent purchaser and is then collectible, whatever the fraud may have been. A plain note under such circumstances would not be collectible. All notes are transferable whatever be their form. Notes may provide for attorney’s fees or not as parties agree. All notes must read for value received. A bank note to have all its force must be transferred before due. A note does not draw interest unless it is specified in the note.
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LETTERS OF CONGRATULATION AND CONDOLENCE.
They should be brief, and confined to the matter for which you offer your congratulations or condolence. A letter of congratulation may be written to any acquaintance whom you wish to inform of the pleasure you derive from his success; while a letter of condolence should be sent only to intimate friends or relatives, and should express real feeling for those in bereavement.
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THE LOVE LETTER.
A love letter should be dignified in tone and expressive of esteem and affection. It should be free from silly and extravagant expressions, and contain nothing of which the writer would be ashamed were the letter to fall under the eyes of any person beside the one to whom it was written.
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REPLIES.
A reply should promptly follow the receipt of a letter; it can not be civilly delayed for any great length of time. It is customary to begin a reply by noticing the date of the letter to which an answer is given.
One of the following forms is generally adopted :
“I hasten to answer the letter which you did me the honor of writing on the ;”
“I have received the letter with which you honored me on the ;”
“I have not been able, until this moment, to answer the letter which you did me the honor of writing on the .”
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RULES OF EPISTOLARY COMPOSITION.
1. Every letter is of some importance: remember this before you begin to write.
2. Do not consult grammarians, or lexicons, when you write a letter; depend rather on an attentive perusal of the best epistolary authors of both sexes. Study the letters of women in preference to those of men.
3. Before you begin a letter, imagine that you are in the presence of the absent person; converse with him, pen in hand.
4. Julius Caesar dictated several letters at once; do not imitate the Dictator of Rome, compose but one letter at a time.
5. In your letters to a man in office, or to a protector, beware of exhibiting more intellect than he possesses.
6. Do not write a letter of reproof, immediately after a liberal repast.
7. Never write long letters to persons in easy circumstances.
8. During your whole life, write to your instructors or instructresses with as much respect and gratitude as to your parents.
9. In your letters, ask nothing and refuse nothing, which would cause you to blush, if you were to make the request or denial in person.
10. Write all your letters in a simple style; especially those which are addressed to the unlearned, and to men of sense.
11. When you propose to be laconic in your letters, avoid dryness; a dry style is the evidence of a barren mind.
12. A letter is like a nosegay; the thoughts should be well assorted.
13. In a crowd of persons, there are no two countenances exactly alike; let the case be the same with your letters.
14. Speak of your friends, as if they were present; write to them in the same manner.
15. In your letters, accommodate yourself to the respective capacities of your correspondents. A young man should slacken his pace, when he walks with an old gentleman, or with a lady.
16. Do not amass a previous store of brilliant or profound ideas in order to dispose of them in your letters as occasion may require. In the epistolary style, it is especially true, that we must live from day to day.
17. Every kind of style may enter into the composition of letters. In this respect everything depends on the subject and the writer. The sublime does not exclude simplicity; on the contrary, it includes it.
18. If you can not avoid superfluities, in your letters, be incorrect rather than pedantic.
19. Do not meditate long before writing a letter; but invariably revise it, after it is written.
20. Be sparing in the use of puns in conversation; employ them still more sparingly in your letters.
21. A father and son should not address each other as companions; but the letters of brothers may resemble those of friends.
22. The mutual letters of a married pair, when absent from each other, should be affectionate and delicate. Many things should be the mere subjects of conjecture; they may occasionally be spoken, but never committed to writing.
23. Let your tongue and your pen have full scope; but act like a skillful horseman, and let them constantly feel, that they shall be free, only while they abstain from abusing the liberty which you grant to them in your conversations or letters.
24. Be brief when you write to magistrates; they have neither time nor patience to read long epistles.
25. Where you inflict censure, or bestow praise in your letters, be concise.
26. Let every expression in your letters have the air of civility. This will render affected compliments and politeness unnecessary. Too many persons are polite in order to avoid civility.
27. Never send a letter which has produced weariness or trouble in writing. It would certainly weary the reader.
28. When you are thirsty, you drain a cup at a single draught. Attend to the proper time for composition, and let your letter be commenced and finished, as it were with a single stroke of the pen.
29. In all your conversations, forbear to sacrifice truth to considerations of civility or respect; avoid the same fault in your letters. A spoken falsehood is a great evil; a written falsehood is a still greater one.
30. As the first thoughts are often the best, be careful to answer a letter without delay. No harm, however, will result from deferring the reply for a day or two, especially if it relates to an affair of importance.
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NOTES.
NOTES, as considered in this book, are brief messages pertaining to transient and local interest, by which persons in the same community make known to one another their wishes, compliments or commands Notes, or billets, differ from ordinary letters in the four particulars: First, they are more formal; second, they are written wholly, or partly, in the third person; third, the date is generally at the bottom; fourth, they are without signature. Notes are appropriately used between equals in all matters of ceremony, such as weddings and dinners, and in brief communications between persons but slightly acquainted. They may be used between unequals in any brief and formal message.
It is difficult to write a note in the third person, and great care must be taken not to change from the third person to the first or second.
The paper and envelopes used for notes should be plain and of the best quality. White paper is always in good taste. For weddings no other kind is allowable, but for other occasion delicate tints may be used. The styles of note are constantly varying, hence no definite size or shape can be given.
Wedding notes always bear a monogram consisting of the combined initials of the bridegroom and bride. Besides the fine envelopes that enclose what is written, outside envelopes, as a protection, are generally used. These are indispensable when notes are sent by mail. In such cases the full address should be written on the outside envelope, and the name only on the inner one.
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STYLE.
The most fashionable notes are characterized by simplicity. The language is concise, courteous, plain and beautiful. Flourishes are out of place. Refined taste exhibits itself in richness of material, beauty of form, harmony of parts, and perfect adaptation to circumstances, rather than in excessive display.
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INVITATIONS- WEDDING.
Wedding invitations are issued by the parents or nearest friends of the bride, about ten days before the ceremony. They may be written or printed on note paper or on cards, but for all ceremonious invitations the note form is preferred. Notes printed from engraved plates are greatly superior to those printed from type, and are used almost exclusively by fashionable people. When an answer is desired, the letters “R. S. V. P.” or the words, “The favor of an answer is requested,” are written or printed at the bottom.
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ANNOUNCEMENTS.
ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS, DINNERS, PARTIES,
RECEPTIONS AND BALLS.
These topics are treated of with sufficient fullness in the chapters on their respective subjects, and need not be noticed here, since in the proper connection model notes for invitations are given.
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ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS .
An acceptance is an affirmative answer; a regret is a non-acceptance. An invitation to a dinner should be promptly accepted or declined. Wedding invitations and receptions do not require an acceptance unless they contain the letters “R. S. V. P.” or their equivalent. This may be said of invitations to parties and balls. Invitations to weddings, receptions and balls should be answered, if an answer is required, not later than the third day. The answer to a joint note from a husband and wife, should be addressed on the envelope to the wife alone; but the answer should contain within it a recognition of both persons.
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SUPERSCRIPTION AND DELIVERY.
The superscription on the envelope proper consists of the name alone, written as on an ordinary letter.
The former practice of writing “present” under the name is now discarded. “The outside envelope should have upon it the full address of the person who receives it.”
Notes are usually delivered by a private messenger; but the mail is used to convey notes to persons living in another town or city, or in distant parts of the same city.
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CARDS.
To cultured and refined people, the visiting card conveys an unmistakable intelligence; but to the uncultured and unrefined, it is nothing more than a bit of paper, which to them has no significance whatever. The social position of a stranger is often determined by the texture, style of engraving, and the hour of leaving a card — indeed, the card is an exponent of one’s social standing. A perfect breeding may be easily expressed in the fashionable formalities of cards. The elegance of social forms are observed and preserved in proportion to the degree of culture and civilization of any community. Cards should be of fine texture, in plain script, or nicely written, and of medium size.
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CALLING CARDS.
Nothing but the name should be on a card used in calling. The street and number may be on the card of the husband, but when necessary may be written in pencil by a lady. A business card must not be used for a friendly call. A physician may put the prefix “Dr,” or the affix “M. D.,” upon his card, and an army or navy officer his rank and branch of service.
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CARD TO SERVE FOR CALLS.
A card may be made to serve the purpose of a call. It may be sent in an envelope, or left in person. In the latter case, one corner should be turned down, if for the lady of the house. Fold the card in the middle, if you wish to indicate that the call is on several, or all the members of the family. Leave a card for each guest, should any be visiting at the house.
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A CARD ENCLOSED IN AN ENVELOPE.
A card enclosed in an envelope for the purpose of returning a call made in person, expresses a desire that visiting between the parties be ended. When such is not the intention, cards should not be enclosed in an envelope. P. P. C. cards are sent by post, and are the only cards that are, as yet, universally considered admissible to be sent in this way. Cards sent to the newly married living in other cities, or in answering wedding cards forwarded when absent from home, may be enclosed and sent by post.
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SIZE AND STYLE.
The cards of unmarried or married men should be small. For married persons a medium size is in better taste than a large card. The engraving in simple writing is preferred, and without flourishes. Printed letters, large or small, are very commonplace, no matter what the type may be. The “Mr.” before the name should be dispensed with by young men.
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CARD FOR MOTHER AND DAUGHTER.
A young lady may, with propriety, have cards of her own; or her name may be engraved or printed on her mother’s cards, both in script. It is also fashionable for the daughter’s name to be printed on the same card with the names of her father and mother.
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WEDDING CARDS.
Wedding cards are only sent to those people whom the newly married couple desire to keep among their acquaintances, and it is then the duty of those receiving the cards to call first on the young couple.
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P. P. C. CARDS.
“P. P. C.” (Pour prendre conge) should be written in one corner of a card left at a farewell visit, before a long protracted absence. Such cards may be sent by messenger, or by post, it not being necessary to deliver them in person. It is not customary to send “P. P. C.” cards when the absence from home is only for a few months, nor when starting in midsummer for a foreign country. They are sent by ladies just previous to their contemplated marriage to serve the purpose of a call.
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LEAVE CARDS IN MAKING FIRST CALLS.
In making the first calls of the season, both ladies and gentlemen should each leave a card, at every house called upon, even if the ladies are receiving. The number and street should be written on the cards of young gentlemen.
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LEAVE CARDS AFTER AN INVITATION.
Cards must be left with those who have sent invitations, whether accepted or not. If it is desired to end the acquaintance, the cards can be left without inquiring whether the ladies are at home, but they must be left in person.
When gentlemen are only on terms of formal visiting, they should not expect to receive invitations from ladies, until the yearly autumnal call has been made, or until their cards have been left to represent themselves.
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A BRIDEGROOM’S CARD.
The bridegroom often sends his bachelor card (enclosed in an envelope) to those of his acquaintances with whom he wishes to continue on visiting terms. Those who receive a card should call on the bride, within ten days after she has taken possession of her new home.
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FUNERALS.
THE saddest of all duties to perform is our duty to the dead. It becomes us to show in every possible way our sympathies for the bereaved and the deepest respect for the solemn occasion. Of late, forms of ostentation at funerals are gradually diminishing, and by some even mourning habiliments are rejected in whole or in part.
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INVITATION TO A FUNERAL.
It is customary in cities to give notice of death and announcement of funeral through the newspaper, but for fear it will not reach all in time, invitations are sent to personal and family friends of the deceased.
Private invitations are usually printed on fine small note paper with a heavy black border, and in such form as the following:
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FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS.
It is customary to trust the details of the arrangements for a funeral to some relative or friend of the family; or, if there be none such, it can be safely left with the undertaker. It is prudent to name a limit for the expenses of the funeral, and the means of the family should of course govern this. Pomp and display should always be avoided. The lesson of death is too solemn to be made the occasion of mere show.
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THE HOUSE OF MOURNING.
Upon entering the house of mourning the hat should be removed, and all loud talking or confusion avoided. All differences and quarrels should be forgotten and enemies who meet at a funeral should treat each other with respect and dignity. No calls of condolence should be made upon the bereaved family while the dead remains in the house, and members of the family may be excused from receiving any but their most intimate friends at that time. The bell knob or door handle is draped with black crape, with a black ribbon tied on, if the deceased is married or advanced in years, and with a white ribbon if young or unmarried.
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FUNERAL SERVICES.
If the services are held at the house, some near friend or relative will receive the guests. The immediate members of the family and near relatives should take a final view of the corpse just before the arrival of the guests, and should not make their appearance again until about time for the services to commence. The clergyman in taking his position should accommodate himself to the hearing of all, if possible, but especially to the family and near relatives, who will probably be in a room to themselves. In such case he should stand in the doorway. The guests will have taken a last look at the corpse before seating themselves, and at the conclusion of the services the coffin lid is closed, and the remains are borne to the hearse. The custom of opening the coffin at church, unless the person is one of distinguished prominence, is fast falling into disuse.
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THE PALL-BEARERS.
The pall-bearers, usually six, but sometimes eight in number, are generally chosen from the intimate acquaintances of the deceased, and of nearly the same age. If they walk to the cemetery, they take their position in equal numbers on either side of the hearse.
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ORDER OF THE PROCESSION.
The carriages containing the clergymen and pall-bearers precede the hearse, immediately followed by the carriages of the nearest relatives, more distant relatives and friends, respectively. When societies or masonic bodies take part in the procession they precede the hearse. The horse of a deceased mounted military officer, fully caparisoned and draped in mourning, will be led immediately after the hearse. As the mourners pass out to enter the carriages, the guests stand with uncovered heads. No salutations are given or received. The person who officiates as master of ceremonies assists the mourners to enter and alight from the carriages. At the cemetery the clergyman or priest precedes the coffin.
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FLORAL DECORATIONS.
The decorations for the coffin are usually flowers, arranged in a beautiful wreath for a child or young person, and a cross for a married person. The flowers are mostly white. Friends may send floral devices as a mark of esteem. These should be sent in time for decorative purposes.
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CALLS UPON THE BEREAVED FAMILY.
Friends may call upon the bereaved family in a week after burial and acquaintances within a month. It is the custom for friends to wear no bright colors when making their calls of condolence. Short notes of condolence may be sent as an expression of sympathy. Formal notes of condolence are no longer sent.
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HABILIMENTS OF MOURNING.
Custom prescribes some indication of one’s bereavement in their dress. They who choose to adopt this custom may do so with perfect propriety. The widow dresses in mourning for life, or until a subsequent marriage. For the loss of a brother or sister or son or daughter, six months or -a year, as they may prefer.
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WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE.
To our National Capital, where social standing is determined by official rank, there are some special rules of etiquette which we shall briefly notice in this chapter.
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THE PRESIDENT.
The President is regarded as “the first man in the nation,” socially as well as officially. There is no special set of formalities necessary for forming his acquaintance. He receives calls, but is not required to return them. He is addressed as “Mr. President” or “Your Excellency.”
When the President gives up the morning hours to receiving calls, those who have business with him take precedence over those who have not. In either case the caller is summoned into the room occupied by the President’s secretaries. Here he presents his card and is shown in to the President. The person who has no business with the President simply pays his respects and withdraws. On a private call it is always better to secure the services of some official, or friend of the President, to go with you and introduce you.
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RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
While congress is in session, stated receptions are given at the White House which all are permitted to attend. The caller gives his name to the usher upon entering the reception room. The usher announces the name, and as the caller approaches the President, he is introduced by an official appointed for that purpose. Having been presented to the President and the members of his family, the guest passes on and mingles in the social intercourse of those assembled. A caller may leave his card if he wishes.
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PRESIDENTIAL STATE DINNERS.
At state dinners given by the President, the same rules prevail as at any other formal dinner, but precedence is given to the guests according to official station. An invitation from the President can not be refused, and it affords a sufficient excuse for breaking any other engagement; but the parties with whom you may have other engagements should be informed of your invitation from the President.
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MEMBERS OF THE PRESIDENTIAL FAMILY.
The wife of the President is not obliged to return calls, though she may visit those who are special friends, or whom she wishes to honor by her company.
The other members of the President’s family may receive and return calls.
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NEW YEARS RECEPTIONS AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
New Year’s receptions are the most ceremonious occasions which occur at the White House. Ladies appear in the most elegant toilets suitable for a morning reception, and members of foreign legations appear in the court dress of their respective nationalities.
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ORDER OF OFFICIAL RANK.
Next in rank to the President are, the Chief Justice, the Vice-President, and Speaker of the House of Representatives. These receive the first visits from all others. Next in order are the General of the Army, and the Admiral of the Navy. All these, so far mentioned, receive the first call from the representatives. The wife of any official is entitled to the same social precedence as her husband. Among officers of the army and navy, the Lieu tenant- General corresponds to the Vice- Admiral, the Major-General to the Rear- Admiral, Brigadier- General to Commodore, Colonel to Captain in the navy, and so on.
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CABINET OFFICERS.
On all ordinary occasions the cabinet officers take equal rank. When it becomes necessary in state ceremony to have some order of precedence, it is as follows:
Secretary of State, of the Treasury, of War, of the Navy, the Postmaster-General, Secretary of the Interior, Attorney-General.
The wives of the cabinet officers, or the ladies of the household, give receptions on every Wednesday during the season, from the first of January till Lent. On these occasions, all who wish to do so, are at liberty to call, and refreshments are served. The ladies of the family are under obligations to return these calls and leave the cards of the cabinet officers, with an invitation to an evening reception.
Cabinet officers are expected to entertain, by dinners and otherwise, senators, representatives and other high officials and distinguished visitors at Washington, as well as the ladies of their respective families. Hours for calling at the capital are usually from two till half past five.
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SENATORS AND REPRESENTATIVES.
It is optional with senators, representatives and all other officials, except President and cabinet officers, whether they entertain.
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FOREIGN TITLES.
In this country where titles are not handed down from father to son, but won, if at all, by each for himself, we naturally know but little of hereditary titles. In Europe it is quite different, and, as many of our citizens go abroad, it will be well that they be informed upon this subject. For, in Europe, to fail to give a person his or her proper title is a serious breach of manners, and one not readily overlooked,
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ROYALTY.
The head of the social structure in England is the King and Queen. They are addressed under the form “Your Majesty.” Second in rank is the Prince of Wales, heir- apparent to the throne. The other children while in their minority are all known as princes and princesses. The eldest of the princesses is the crown princess. When they attain to their majority the princes become dukes, and the princesses retain their former title, adding that of their husbands when they marry. Members of the royal house are all designated as “Their Royal Highnesses.”
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THE NOBILITY.
A duke who inherits the title from his father is one grade below a royal duke. The wife of a duke is a duchess. They are both addressed as “Your Grace.” The eldest son of a duke is styled a marquis until he comes into possession of his father’s title. His wife is a marchioness. The younger sons of a duke are by courtesy called lords, and the daughters have the title of lady prefixed to their Christian names. An earl or a baron is spoken of as a lord, and his wife as a lady, though to the lady the title of countess or baroness would rightly belong. The daughters of an earl are ladies, the younger sons of both earls and barons are honorables. Bishops receive the title of lord, but with them it is not hereditary.
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THE GENTRY.
Baronets are addressed as “Sirs,” and their wives receive the title of lady; but they are only commoners of a higher degree. A clergyman by right of his calling stands on an equality with all commoners, a bishop with all peers.
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ESQUIRE.
In England the title of Esquire is not merely an empty compliment, as it is in this country. The following have a legal right to the title:
The sons of peers, whether known as lords or honorables.
The eldest sons of peers’ sons, and their eldest sons in perpetual descent.
All the sons of baronets.
All esquires of the Knights of the Bath.
Lords of manors, chiefs of clans, and other tenants of the crown in capite, are esquires by prescription.
Esquires, created to that rank by patent, and their sons in perpetual succession.
Esquires by office, such as justices of the peace while on the roll, mayors of towns during mayoralty, and sheriffs of counties.
Members of the House of Commons
Barristers at law.
Bachelors of divinity, law and physic. All who in commissions signed by the sovereign are ever styled esquires, retain that title for life.
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IMPERIAL RANK.
Emperors and empresses rank higher than kings and queens. The sons and daughters of the Emperor of Austria are styled archdukes and archduchesses.
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EUROPEAN TITLES.
Titles in continental Europe are so common and so often unsustained by landed or moneyed interests, that they have not the same significance which they hold in England. Many who have inherited high titles have nothing but the empty name. This is frequently the case in Germany, and still more often so in Italy.
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January — Garnet. Constancy and Fidelity.
November — Topaz. Fidelity and friendship.***
Link: https://www.archive.org/details/americanetiquett00houg/mode/1up
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